Are You Feeling Worried?
Yesterday my 12-year-old daughter had an operation on both her eyes to correct her double vision. The surgeon had to cut through the corner of her eyeballs, to get to the muscles behind.
Two weeks ago, I asked my daughter, “Are you feeling worried?”
Her answer surprised me.
We were digging in the garden at the time, to prepare for some vegetable beds.
“No, I’m not scared, I probably will be just before the operation, but right now I’m just with my mum in the garden. If I was worried, I would miss out on lots of fun things which are actually happening”
This statement showed me how far she had come from when the consultant first told my daughter she needed the operation at the beginning of February. She described what happened, “The whole room just started spinning and I couldn’t hear anything else”
The operation was planned for 6 weeks later in mid-March. During that time my daughter struggled with anxious thoughts. It wasn’t too bad in the day when she could find a distraction from her thoughts, but at night she couldn’t escape them.
She would often secretly watch videos on her phone well into the night and then be exhausted the next day.
I spent a lot of time pointing her towards how her experience is being created. You see it's how I help my coaching clients.
How your thoughts and feelings work
Your thoughts just keep pouring into your head. Some of them will be based on the reality that is actually happening right now, some will be based on your past experiences and some will be based on your future worries.
When you worry about a future event, then you physically feel as if it were actually happening in real-time. Maybe a knot in your stomach, tightness in your chest, or a feeling of pressure.
This story of the future might be played over and over again in your mind.
Feelings only ever exist in the present moment. They are physically adaptions for you to be able to act to the current situation. In this way, you are designed to live in the present.
I want to repeat this point, feelings only ever tell you about what’s on your mind right now.
Feelings can’t predict the future, they have no crystal ball, it’s simply not possible.
Now of course your life needs to have some thoughts about the future and planned events. But you only need to consider the future with the consideration of what do I need to do now.
What to do about worrying?
I’ll get to this, but first, let's get back to the story of my daughter.
She spent 6 weeks worrying, but then the unexpected happened.
Covid!
The operation got canceled.
Fast forward 6 months.
Then my daughter’s dreaded letter arrived.
The operation was back on the table.
This time my daughter didn’t worry. Until just before the operation.
Then it all came pouring out.
Imagine if you’re getting a gown on for a general anesthetic, and you’re going to have eye surgery.
I think most of us would feel worried. Especially if you were 12.
Her thoughts were about what it would feel like when she woke up, would she cope, what if something went wrong, what if she went blind, would I be there when she woke, and lots more.
Luckily we had a wonderful play specialist. As my daughter was having her cannula fitted to put the general anesthetic into, the play specialist showed her an interactive app that she could play with her other hand.
Like magic, her thoughts went to the app, and the next moment she was waking up and the operation was all over.
It wasn’t just my daughter that felt worried
Sometimes I felt worried too. Would I cope when she was actually having the operation?
Before the operation, this thought came and went. I would consider two questions;
- Is this my reality right now?
2. Is there something I need to do?
For the second question I briefly considered arranging someone I could call, but then decided I will find someone if I need to. I trusted that I would know what to do in the moment.
So the time came, my daughter fell asleep as the anesthetic began to work. I was whisked out of the room and had a coffee placed in my hands.
This was it, my daughter was being operated on.
My mind started creating an image of what may be happening and considering possible scenarios that could go wrong.
Suddenly this was my reality.
Then I paused, I realised I’d been tricked.
It’s almost like I could look up above me, and see the imaginary world my mind had created.
I wasn’t the one performing the surgery, I wasn’t even watching. I didn’t even know what an eye operation looked like. All of this was going on in my head.
My reality was that I was in the ward waiting for my daughter to return. All was well. I was ok. My daughter was being looked after by specialists.
I didn’t need to spend time dwelling on what was happening with my daughter, it would have no impact on the outcome.
I instantly felt better.
Like all my worries had been dissolved.
Instead, I started looking out of the window, what a beautiful view.
So the end of the story…
The operation went well. My daughter is so pleased it’s over and that she can now see with binocular vision.
If you’ve enjoyed this post and want to read more of my stories then check out Yesterday I had a Bad Day
